We've all done it: Recalled a movie we loved back in our younger days and then gone out and bought it purely to see if it's actually as good as we remember. Some of the times we end up disappointed, pitying our immature tastes from way back then. If you're anything like me, however -- a huge fan of the clean-cut, all-American, working-class hero days of wrestling -- then you'll end up laughing even harder in regards to your youthful admiration this steaming pile of crap, Suburban Commando, starring Hulk Hogan.
The now self-proclaimed "Sports Entertainment" industry was all the rage back in the '80s (my junior school days), of course. Everything from the sticker albums to the action figures of the WWF (now WWE) were discussed between my closest friends and I during our boyish gatherings on the playground. When the news spread that Hulk Hogan was about to venture into the movie world, the anticipation was immense at the time.
First came No Holds Barred in 1989, co-produced by WWE owner Vince McMahon, but the humour was so distasteful that it didn't really go hand in hand with the family-friendly promos and match-ups seen every week within the sports entertainment industry. Suburban Commando, however, came along two years later, and despite the critical lashing that it received, "Hulkamania" was considered to be as strong as it had ever been. In other words, the fans really loved the light-hearted nature -- and, in particular, the intergalactic parodies of the Star Wars series -- that was present in this film.
Hogan, as Shep Ramsey, is the interstellar hero, whose ship crash lands on Earth, prompting him to take a vacation while he waits for it to repair. Soon enough, he rents local-geeky businessman Charlie's (Christopher Lloyd) apartment, in an attempt to blend in with the local, "Earthling" lifestyle. Charlie and his family, however, feel a little suspicious of the big man's behaviour and begin rummaging in his room to find a stash of alien equipment. Accidentally, they send out a signal to a pair of bounty hunters and their general, Suitor (William Ball), which allows them to pinpoint Ramsay's location on Earth.
Suburban Commando is a bad movie; strangely, though, it's still pretty likable for its tongue-in-cheek humour. Hogan, admittedly, has the acting ability we've come to expect of a wrestler, though he has a certain charisma that appears particularly inviting to his fans. His appearance and behaviour here is typical of a man who play-fights with people for a living in the ring: Inoffensive, absurd and often pretty funny. The film is enjoyable for his presence alone.
My pick of the scenes would have to be when Ramsey squares off with the bounty hunters (notably played by fellow wrestling superstars The Undertaker and Brutus "The Barber Beefcake"). The Undertaker, speaking his only line of the movie, says "You're a dead man, Ramsay," in a squeakingly-clean voice, to which Hogan replies "No wonder you guys never talk." Now, considering this was the first bit of dialogue ever spoken in The Undertaker's career, it came across quite hilarious to fans at the time. Recalling such, I laughed within my second viewing, too.
How the hell Suburban Commando deserves to be filed under the Science-Fiction genre, though, is beyond me. Where exactly is the "Science" element? We're definitely not talking Aliens or The Terminator here; Suitor's monstrous form, especially, looks like a ridiculously-mangled version of the Predator. You'll need to lower your standards considerably and not take everything quite so seriously if you are to find yourself laughing at this point.
Watching this film for the first time since its debut at the cinemas in 1991, though, I'll admit that I found myself feeling just as hysterical as I remember I was in my pre-adolescent years. This signifies to me one of two things: I'm just as immature now as I was back then, or Hulk Hogan's bald cranium with golden side-locks of hair really is made-for-TV comedy. Either way, I have to say that I rather enjoyed this movie.
On a final note, perhaps the funniest thing of all, though, was the amount of sincerity behind the "Oscar screams" of the Hogan fans at the time of the film's release. Suburban Commando is a laugh, yes, but there are limits. Jeez, people don't half get carried away.
(EDIT: After realising that I have just dedicated my time to writing nearly eight-hundred words on the subject of Suburban Commando, I can conclude that Hulk Hogan probably did deserve an Oscar.)
(C) Andy Carrington, 2009.
Director: Burt Kennedy
Producer: Howard Gottfried, Hulk Hogan
Screenwriter: Frank A. Cappello
Stars: Hulk Hogan, Christopher Lloyd, Shelly Duvall, Larry Miller, William Ball, Mark Calaway, Nick Eldredge, The Undertaker, Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake
Rating: PG
Year: 1991
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