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If you're thinking the opening scene in Walter Hill's Red Heat is actually that of a soft-core porn movie, you wouldn't be far wrong. If the title doesn't relate enough to the sweaty flesh-on-flesh liaisons between men, then just watch as Arnold Schwarzenegger's utterly-ripped body gives punishment to opposing heavyset Russians in a bathhouse, while camera treats us to overlong shot of his bare anus.

Actually, there's quite a few hints at Arnold Schwarzenegger being homoerotic right the way through Red Heat. After walking into a local bar to arrest Georgian drug dealer Viktor Rostavili (Ed O'Ross), we learn that his character Ivan Danko, a Russian Narc, is not really one for conversation and would rather get straight down to business by grappling with the opposing male anatomy. He doesn't hesitate in flipping one of Viktor's bodyguards onto the ground, proceeding then to rip off his (false) leg off, proving to bystanders how incredibly macho he really is.

There's also a scene where Arnie checks into a local sleaze-bag hotel, turns on the TV and notices a woman getting screwed senseless in a porno. He shakes his head and says "Capitalism", with obvious disapproval. (Perhaps here he is hinting at preferring the male-on-male action that he's used to in his Communist state back home? Personally, I wouldn't at all be surprised.)

Anyhow, the plot involves Schwarzenegger's character following fleeing criminal Viktor to Chicago and teaming up with an American cop named Art Ridzik (James Belushi). This is where the film turns into a conventional mismatched buddy-comedy: Belushi tries on numerous occasions to be funny, but fails and becomes rather annoying rather quickly; meanwhile, Schwarzenegger seemingly doesn't need to try at all to get the laughs, spouting off his now-trademark witty one-liners on the rare occasion that he does decide to speak.

Raw Deal is pretty much hit and mostly miss like this all the way through. The action scenes don't do enough to warrant your attention beyond the film's dull pacing -- apart from the awesome opening scene, the one that involves Arnie shooting a man disguised as a female nurse is probably the most memorable of the bunch for being yet another hint at gayness -- while the film's score is also a blatant rip-off of that in Commando (keep your ears peeled particularly during the scene, where a group of black gangsters hunt down Danko in his seedy hotel). At least, though, the cinematography is appealing as it captures the cold, grey streets of Moscow's Red Square quite beautifully (Hill's production company was the first to shoot there).

I do like my '80s buddy-comedy actioners, but there are much better ones out there than Red Heat (Lethal Weapon, Tango & Cash), and Schwarzenegger has stylistically caused a lot more carnage in his other movies (Commando), meaning this is a rather forgettable affair, overall. The only reason you need to bother with this is if you're bored, drunk, or incredibly horny for some muscular, sweaty man bottom. Truth be told, it's all a little too cringeworthy for the straight-edged movie goer.

(C) Andy Carrington, 2010.