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(This review contains spoilers. You have been warned.)

The bad reputation surrounding live action video game adaptations is justly deserved. I tend to avoid investing my words in a genre that has received countless brown markings from failed projects (check Street Fighter, starring the truly awful Jean Claude Van Damme, and the equally-as-bad Doom, starring ex-WWE wrestler Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson).

Having resisted seeing Mortal Kombat for fourteen years after its release, I decided it was time to give it a go. The reviews I had previously read were mixed: American critic Eugene Siskel, in particular, considered it the best video game adaptation he had seen at the time; Roger Ebert, however, said it looked "murky", and, on the whole, failed to impress beyond his incredibly low expectations.

So, how bad is Mortal Kombat? Bad... Really bad. But so bad that it's good? Erm, not quite.

I'll start with the director, Paul W.S. Anderson (the guy responsible for killing, not just one, but TWO franchises with the abysmal Alien Vs. Predator). Now, I have no idea why, but he seems to have a habit of toning down the violence, blunting the edge to some of America's most popular franchises, making them seem much more "family friendly". This surely can't be a marketing strategy, though, considering that the Mortal Kombat video game became one of the most popular arcade series' in gaming history for its high levels of blood, gore and graphic fatalities. Why neglect the fans' lust for such carnage by keeping it within the limits of a lucrative PG rating? I don't understand it.

Secondly, -- now, how should I put this without sounding offensive... Hmm, I can't -- I fucking hate Christopher Lambert. I never did like Highlander, and here, as the God-of-Thunder Raiden, his preachy persona (which is, apparently, meant to inspire the good-guy fighters to overcome the threat of evil, win the tournament, and claim Earth as their own) is just another cringeworthy example of his personality that makes me wish the guy would just stay the hell away from my television set. Furthermore, Lambert's character doesn't even fight in the film -- you'd think that he'd at least make the effort!

The characters, generally, in Mortal Kombat tend to be more annoying than they do entertaining. Johnny Cage (Linden Ashby) has a tendency to crack lame jokes every ten minutes; while Goro, the infamous four-armed monster (who I expected so much more from), is completely underused here. Kano (Trevor Goddard), though, has to be the biggest disappointment of them all as the chicken-leg-munching moron, who gets his arse pathetically kicked by a girl in full view of everyone.

Despite these annoying gripes, Mortal Kombat does have a few worthy features at least. For one, the film does have a good share of impressive martial arts sequences, which are accompanied by a catchy, upbeat soundtrack (the high-energy confrontation between Scorpion and Johnny Cage was particularly memorable). The effects, too, are pretty convincing, and have stood the test of time.

On the whole, the film does have a few decent spots, particularly when the action is fully flowing. Perhaps, I'm being a little unfair reviewing the movie fourteen years after its release, but I never did like the actual video game to begin with, anyway. And after that Street Fighter movie attempted to destroy my admiration for the entire Capcom franchise, I never had a willingness to sit down and watch Mortal Kombat, given the first opportunity.

It's not the best film ever to be based on a video game -- that subtitle I give to Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie -- but it is the best live action adaptation that I've seen. Though, that's not really saying much, is it?

(C) Andy Carrington, 2009.