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Without being entirely ignorant, there are always certain films that I anticipate seeing more than others. After the pretty dreadful Green Street, I'd be lying if I said hearing the rumours about a straight-to-DVD sequel had me, in any way, twitching in extreme anticipation.

Green Street 2 tracks the members of rival firms West Ham United and Millwall, who are now serving time in a tough prison for their fighting in the previous film.

After wasting an hour and half of my life watching this pathetic attempt at filmmaking, I can conclude that my instincts were indeed right -- this film really does suck.

Firstly, how they can even call it a "sequel" is way beyond me, as it contains just one actor from the first film -- Dave (and no, I can't remember him, either). The violence is explicit, but poorly choreographed -- never exciting or partly intriguing -- and the acting I wouldn't say is laughable; rather, it's so irritably bad that it really made me wonder whether I have a life at all, considering that I was patient enough to sit through the entirety of this piece of shit film and then actually bother to write a review of it.

Even more unbelievable is how the film attempts to portray the GSE firm as a group of innocent, young men that we're somehow supposed to root for. "We just wanna do our time, with no trouble," says Dave. Yeah, right.

Oh, and get this: The prison guards decide that it's a great idea for the hooligan inmates to take part in a rival football match towards the end, with members of the winning team being granted freedom to the outside world. I shit you not.

There's a reason films like this go straight to DVD, but I think Green Street 2 should, at the very least, be very grateful that it got a release via this medium at all. Believe when when I say this: It's absolutely appalling.

(C) Andy Carrington, 2009.